Types of Abuse

Physical and sexual assaults, or threats to commit them, are the most apparent forms of relationship abuse and are usually the actions that allow others to become aware of the problem. However, regular use of other abusive behaviors by the abuser make up a larger system of abuse.ent forms of relationship abuse and are usually the actions that allow others to become aware of the problem. However, regular use of other abusive behaviors by the abuser make up a larger system of abuse.ent forms of relationship abuse and are usually the actions that allow others to become aware of the problem. However, regular use of other abusive behaviors by the abuser make up a larger system of abuse.ent forms of relationship abuse and are usually the actions that allow others to become aware of the problem. However, regular use of other abusive behaviors by the abuser make up a larger system of abuse.

 

  • Economic Abuse
  • Sexual Abuse
  • Physical Abuse
  • Verbal Abuse
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Academic Abuse
  • Psychological Abuse
  • Use of Technology

power and control wheel color

 

  • Economic Abuse
    • Preventing you from having or keeping a job
    • Interfering with your efforts to maintain a job by sabotaging childcare, transportation, or other arrangements
    • Harassing you at work
    • Refusing to work
    • Not including you in family financial decisions
    • Not allowing you access to the family finances
    • Making you ask for money
    • Taking your money
    • Demanding an account of everything you buy
    • Controlling your access to financial information
    • Not allowing you to talk to others about money
    • Not allowing your name to be on accounts, which would allow you to build credit
    • Forcing you to put your name on accounts and then destroying your credit
    • Making fun of your financial contribution and saying it is not worth anything
    • Expecting you to behave in a certain way because you make less money or are not the “breadwinner”
    • Destroying or interfering with homework
    • Preventing you from learning English
    • Forcing you to work “illegally” when you do not have a work permit
    • Threatening to report you to INS or IRS if you work “under the table”
    • Taking the money your family back home was depending on you to send to them
    • Forcing you to sign papers in English that you do not understand i.e. court papers, IRS forms, immigration papers
    • Harassing you at the only job you can work at legally in the U.S., so that you lose that job and are forced to work “illegally”
  • Sexual Abuse
    • Unwanted touching
    • Demanding sex
    • Forcing sex
    • Name-calling with sexual epithets
    • Demanding sex after a violent incident
    • Forcing you to engage in prostitution or pornography
    • Forcing you to have sex with others besides your partner
    • Insisting on anything sexual that frightens or hurts you
    • Refusing to use safe sex practices
    • Preventing you from using birth control
    • Controlling your decisions about pregnancy and/or abortion
    • Withholding sex as a form of control
    • Videotaping or photographing sexual acts and posting it without your permission
    • Alleging that you have a history of prostitution on legal papers
    • Telling you that “as a matter of law” in the United States that you must continue to have sex with him whenever he wants until you are divorced.
  • Physical Abuse
    • Pushing,
    • Pinching or biting,
    • Slapping, beating, or kicking,
    • Choking,
    • Backing you into a corner,
    • Pinning you down,
    • Throwing objects,
    • Pulling your hair,
    • Holding you captive,
    • Breaking down a door to get to you,
    • Preventing you from eating or sleeping,
    • Locking you out of the house,
    • Forcing your car off the road,
    • Abandoning you in dangerous places,
    • Keeping you from getting medical care,
    • Spitting on you,
    • Using or threatening to use a weapon against you,
    • Driving at unsafe speeds to intimidate you,
    • Refusing to help you when you are sick, injured, or pregnant,
    • Withholding medications or medical treatment,
    • Animal cruelty towards pets,
    • Stalking.
  • Verbal Abuse
    • Degrading you in front of friends and family,
    • Telling hurtful “jokes” despite your requests to stop,
    • Taking your statements out of context,
    • Name calling,
    • Yelling,
    • Insulting,
    • Humiliation,
    • Criticizing,
    • Blaming,
    • Accusing,
    • Questioning your sanity.
  • Emotional Abuse
    • Many survivors find that emotional abuse is difficult to name or even talk about. They often wonder if it is serious because you cannot see it, like bruises or broken bones. Emotionally abused survivors state that one of the biggest problems they face is that others seldom take it seriously. These questions will help you identify if you are being emotionally abused, and provide some ideas on available support and resources.

      WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP LIKE?

      • Do you feel that something is wrong with your relationship, but you don’t know how to describe it?
      • Do you feel that your partner controls your life?
      • Do you feel that your partner does not value your thoughts or feelings?
      • Will your partner do anything to win an argument, such as put you down, threaten or intimidate you?
      • Does your partner get angry and jealous if you talk to someone else? Are you accused of having affairs?
      • Do you feel that you cannot do anything right in your partner’s eyes?
      • Are you told that no one else would want you, or that you are lucky your partner takes care of you?
      • Do you have to account for every moment of your time?
      • When you try to talk to your partner about problems, are you called names such as bitch or nag?
      • Does your partner prevent you from going to work or school, or from learning English?
      • If you wish to spend money, does your partner make you account for every penny, or say you don’t deserve anything?
      • Does your partner threaten to withdraw your sponsorship or send you back to your country of origin?
      • After an argument, does your partner insist that you have sex as a way to make up?
      • Does your partner use the children against you in arguments? Does your partner threaten that you will never see the children again if you leave?
      • Does your partner blame you for everything that goes wrong?

      THINGS TO CONSIDER:

      • Know that you are not to blame for your partner’s abusive behavior.
      • Recognize that you have the right to make your own decisions, in your own time, and that dealing with any form of abuse may take time.
      • Recognize that emotional abuse should be taken seriously.
      • Know that emotional abuse can escalate to physical violence.
      • Find people to talk to that can support you. Consider getting individual counseling from professionals who are trained about abusive relationships and will hold your partner responsible for the abuse you are experiencing.
      • Do not give up if community professionals are not helpful. Keep looking for someone that will listen to you and take emotional abuse seriously.
      • Trust yourself and your own experiences. Believe in your own strengths. Remember that you are your own best source of knowledge and strength.
  • Academic Abuse
    • Preventing you from working on papers or studying for tests,
    • Saying you don’t love your partner if you spend time on work instead of spending time together,
    • Calling you at all hours, especially before tests and other important academic assignments,
    • Blaming you for poor grades,
    • Monitoring your behavior during class or taking all of the same classes as you,
    • Belittling your academic focus/choice,
    • Making fun of you for studying too much.
  • Psychological Abuse
    • Breaking promises, not following through on agreements, or not taking fair share of responsibility.
    • Isolating you from family and friends.
    • Controlling what you do, who you talk to, and where you go.
    • Making threats against you.
    • Attacking your vulnerabilities, such as your language abilities, educational level, skills as a parent, religious and cultural beliefs, or physical appearance.
    • Playing mind games, such undercutting your sense of reality.
    • Forcing you to do degrading things.
    • Ignoring your feelings.
    • Driving too fast.
    • Withholding approval or affection as punishment.
    • Regularly threatening to leave or telling you to leave.
    • Harassing you about affairs your partner imagines you to be having.
    • Always claiming to be right.
    • Being unfaithful after committing to monogamy.
  • Use of Technology
    • Monitoring your e-mail communication
    • Sending you repeated e-mail or instant messages
    • Using your online identity to post false information or to send your demographic information and/or picture to sexually oriented or pornographic sites
    • Using social networking sites, like Facebook and MySpace, to get information about you and to monitor who sends you messages and who your friends are
    • Sending you repeated text messages
    • Using GPS devices to monitor your location

Check Out These Power and Control Wheels